The Church of Ineffable Stupidity: 7/30/06

In 1844, the New York Yacht Club was founded.

In 1975, former Teamsters union president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in suburban Detroit


“The historical content of the Bible must naturally submit to the same criticism as all other historical material, without prejudice to scholarship.”
— Thorstein Veblen

The Church of Ineffable Stupidity will hold off on its Silly Science Sunday Quiz, and replace it temporarily with a Political Science Sunday Quiz:

1) Isreal killed 37 children hiding in an apartment building because:
a) They were there
b) the US built F-16 were loaded with US supplied missiles, and don’t land easily with missiles still attached
c) the laser guided missile was just a practice shot
d) Israel wanted to turn these dead christian children into future IDF fighters against H’zbullah

2) Condi Rice’s trip was cancelled today because:
a) because her inane incompetence is so striking that Beirut’s survivors did not want to puke in her face
b) she forgot her shoes
c) Lebanon could not guarantee her safety, even with the 235 heavily armed, secret service- controlled, paramilitary she now travels with
d) Her refusal to call for a cease-fire before, while approving a speed up of US re-supply of laser guided missiles has led to vast anger throughout the middle east against the US
e) George Bush wanted her to practice a speech about the good news from Baghdad

3) Israel withdrew from a border town in Lebanon because:
a) H’zbullah is far stronger than US and Israeli intel suggested
b) Israeli generals used the Don Rumsfeld battle plan, guaranteeing a fiasco
c) People fighting for their lives, their kids and their own land tend not to want to give it up easily.
d) Condi Rice is deeply saddened that they did not maintain their presence in the Lebanese town.
e) George Bush wanted more time to party with American Idol stars.

4) There is little news being reported from Iraq because:
a) things are going so well there, and the MSM has an unspoken moratorium against good news about Iraq
b) with 5,000 leaves cancelled, a redeployment of 10,000 more and an increase of 3,700 troops to Baghdad, they are waiting for some – any – the slightest bit of good news to report before they allow MSM in
c) the fresh dead bodies piling up each day in Iraq caused massive road blocks, preventing the MSM from getting their stories out to their editors.
d) the lack of electricity and water meant that all journalists (those not accidently shot by coalition forces) have decided to stay indoors in the green zone. That and the mortar shells falling in the green zone.
e) No news is good news. Really. Trust me. Mission accomplished.

5) Global warming will finally be known to be a fact when:
a) private golf courses are banned from watering their fairways and putting greens
b) people begin to march on the mansions of the CEOs of Exxon, BP, Amoco and others.
c) people begin frying their fresh egs and bacon breakfasts out on their sidewalks.
d) people march on Washington DC to complain about energy policies and insane profits for oil companies
e) other

6) US muddle east policies concocted by Bush and Criminals, will lead to:
a) democracies will blossom throughout the region, starting with Lebanon’s democratically elected parliament.
b) Iran, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, Yemen, Kuwait and Pakistan will be so angered by bone-headed US policies that they will set aside Shia-Sunni disputes and begin an oil boycott of US and its two remaining allies, Poland and Luxemburg.
c) all arab nations will tuck tail, bow to Condi Rice and PM Olmert and proclaim that the US was right, they were wrong, and PLEASE could we do to them what we did to IRaq and install our version of democracy and freedom in their own lands.
d) mass starvation throughout Lebanon because of Israel’s policy of targetting supply lines bringing food, water and medicine to 700,000 refuges; millions of children in Iraq will die because of a lack of food, medicines and vaccines; Condi and George will do a televised dance in the Oval office, proclaiming mission accomplished.
e) other.

July 28 – the Church of Ineffable stupidity

Tony and I met and talked. And it was a good talk. We talked frankly and franks and beans. It was a frank talk. So, we were talking, and by talking we do something called “communicate”. And that’s good!

I mean, other than Texacan Republicans, what sort of political party goes around armed? See? You hear what I’m thinking? Do I agree with me? And what I means are that they aren’t real democratics, but terra-ists. And being terra-ists they hate us for our freedoms and they despise us for our democracities. And they is the same undercurrent that caused 9/11, so we cannot afford to have them in their own democracy for that reason.

See? It’s simple. We don’t like them policies of terra-ists, so we send missiles to Israel until we feel ready to talk about piece.

Piece is always been our goal. A real piece will happen. A real good piece (like Condi) is hard. It’s hard work. SO to get the right piece, we need to get the Root. The Kellogg Root and Haliburton piece before there can be a sustainable see’s far.

A tempa-mary see’s far will only bring us back to where we are again where we were before then now. See? That would only lead to another 9/11. See, by fighting them over there, we won’t have to fight ’em over there. So a see’s far won’t work until we kill a couple thousand more Lebanese traitors and anti-democratics. Because they started this. They ignorated the UN, 1559 resolvution. And their bad. Their bad men. And women. And teens. Bad. So, we have to attack to defend. We are defending by invading, just like Iraqnam. And soon, with our piece plan, lebanon will be the same success like Iraqnam.

And when I say we, I mean them and us. Them being us and them Israelis armies.


Just lucky, I guess. I mean, we are. If Homeland Scrutiny Assholes can pay the coast guard for beer making kits for entertainment purposes, cut funds from DC, NY and LA, while rewarding the States of Indiana and Misery, pretty much anything can begin to make sense in the House of Bush.

Church of Ineffable Stupidity’s SILLY SCIENCE SUNDAY QUIZ!

1439 – Kissing is banned in England

1935 – 1st automatic parking meter in US installed, Oklahoma City, Ok


“Truly religious people are resigned to everything, even to mediocre poetry.”
— Oscar Wilde
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Church of Ineffable Stupidity proudly presents the

1) Stem cell legislation:
a) will permit expanded federal funding on existing embryos that would otherwise be trashed
b) is supported by 80% – the rational majority – of the United States public
c) is supported by all democrats and a majority of GOP in congress
d) will be vetoed by the president because he hears voices in his head
e) all of the above
f) none of the above
– –

2) undifferentiated Stem cells
a) are thought to hold the key to curing and preventing dozens of disasterous diseases
b) will help ease the debilitating conditions like Parkinsons’, Alzheimers, diabetes,
c) will help researchers learn how to replace or repair paralyzed spinal cords
d) may cure auto-immune problems like AIDS, LUPUS and other horrific conditions
e) can never help the president with whatever psychiatric/psychological ailments from which he suffers
f) are being held hostage by a tiny, loud, irrational minority for political purposes
– – – – –

3) Stem cells are:
a) undifferentiated cells with the ability to divide and differentiate, allowing the regrowth of damaged organs
b) come from the stems of the famous Pear Cactus
c) are found in the tail fins from stem sharks, an endangered species
d) are harvested from the African Booboo tree, a rare, conifer that thrives near oil fields
– – – –
4) Stem cell research
a) has been made almost impossible because of petty political ploys by the White House
b) will destroy the bone marrows of white males, and render Viagra ineffective to strengthen other types of bones
c) is an aphrodisiac effective in females
d) has caused the latest war between Lebanon and Israel
– – –
5) systems biology is:
a) the field of study in which the integration of biological systems and living organisms is studies to determine how they interact
b) is different than molecular biology, in that systems Biology studies the health of computer networks, while the other field studies baby moleculars.
c) the study of successful online gamblers’ sex lives
d) is the illegal use of undifferentiated embryonic stem cells.
– – – – – –
6) Nuclear physics is
a) the study of mite-sized nukulars, critical to the President’s foreign policy march towards world war
b) studies the nucleus of the atom, including protons, neutrons, and the sub-atomic particles which create them.
c) is a sinful, god-hating method of interfering with the one true science, The Blessed Study of Creationism
d) is the study of how clean electrical power can be generated by the careful marriage of positrons and their opponents, the negatrons.
e) do not exist. They don’t even exercise as often as the president, so even if they did exist, they would be not worth mentioning.
– –
7) Cytokinesis is the study of
a) the mental transformation of tricycles into bicycles as children age and grow
b) animal cell growth and reproduction describing the pinching off of separated nuclei
c) mechanical transportation of Cytos, a paralyzed ancient Greek god who previously banned stem cell research to punish his wife.
d) is an heathen myth and does not exist. See Luke 3:14

The Church of Ineffable Stupidity: 7/18/06

1968 – Beatle’s animated film “Yellow Submarine” premieres in London

1973 – Military coup in Afghanistan; King Mohammad Zahir Shah flees

– –
“Ah, what rubbish!”
–W. Makepeace Thackeray, on an Evangelical preacher’s argument about an inerrant bible

From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:
a) A is for assholes who think that war in Lebanon and Gaza will bring peace. or Rapture.

b) George Bush – his ONLY veto? What rubbish.

c) Condi Rice
“Ah, what rubbish!” Indeed.

I am a mortal enemy to arbitrary government and unlimited power. I am very jealous for the rights and liberties of my country; the least encroachment on those invaluable privileges makes my blood boil. Benjamin Franklin