Donald Trump is a Plant

The more I watch the Donald perform his gig on air, the more I am convinced that he is a deliberately concocted, deliberately sold, and deliberately distracting plant.

What better way to seek the result you actually want?

First, you drive some of the nuts into distraction. Hucksterbee is going ever more to the Reich side, trying to find even his 15 seconds of fame, much less 15 minutes. As his folksy “charm” offensive becomes ever more transparent, silly, and just plain laughable, the huckster will finally hang up his angel wings and retire from Ye Olde Politicks. I just hope he makes it on the T&V this Thursday. 

Marco Rubio is both too inexperienced and too dumb to matter. Perhaps with the right seasoning, more pepper than salt, some onion, oregano, plus a bunch of cilantro (oops, it is all being recalled because of “Sam and Ella’s” new flavoring) and perhaps a tad of garlic, Rubio can develop into a W Clone, saying stupid shit, but without having the balls, the unmitigated arrogance, and stage presence to win despite multiple personal shortcomings.

Rick Perry? The best two things he has going for him are his new spectacles, and the knowledge that he is easily twice as smart as the man who replaced him. But NOT a serious candidate. Perry is fighting a fight on uneven terms. Most of the country is not Texan, and most of his competition is just as bad as he. 

Christ Chrissie? If his shenanigans of the past didn’t fuck his career forever, the fall out from his despicable Tunnel cancellation decision make his prospects, especially in the heavily populated NE of the country impossible. Christie’s latest, greatest effort at redemption? He has re-re-re-recreated himself as a friend of the commuter. AFTER he cancelled an absolutely critically necessary tunnel to ship hundreds of thousands of commuters on a daily basis. (Soon afterwards, he took the money and claimed the conservative throne because of that idiotic move) 

Squat Walker? I suspect that even his sugar daddies, or uncles, if your prefer, realize that he is seriously damaged goods, and no amount of their ill gotten gains can fix it all. Squat stoops to our direct north. Wisconsin used to be a state with great people, great cheese, better beer, and wonderful schools, especially its top notch university system. Scott’s turned the system into a “cystern.” Every union, excepting the police and fire morans who didn’t fully see our warnings as accurate, has had its present and future destroyed. The economy is now so bad, especially in comparison to states like Illinois or Minnesote, that Scott has been forced into out and out lying about his results. (Think Kansas, but without the funding by the Kochs).

Sanitorium? A frothy mix of religion, (who knows better than his pope, no less) stupidity, willful ignorance, and unyielding, unbending, fairy-tale based faith. I wonder just what sort of psychotropic medications could get rid of the voices in his head. If only he would seek decent psychiatric care under the ACA.

Ted Cruz controls a small segment of ideologically perverted voters, the kind who enjoy visiting grade schools, or crashing birthday parties for 9 year olds in public parks, while toting their Open Carry AK-47s. He cannot be stupid, not with his educational and professional pedigree. But, what could turn a man with some intellect into a braying mule-like jerk who manages to pick the wrong position on every major iissue?  I think there are three choices – A. he does it on purpose because he enjoys playing with people’s minds, and wonders just how far he could go before being found out; B. He really believes that spew he peddles;, or C. He suffers from a similar illness as Sanitorium.

 Bobby Jindahl – His candidacy has earned the following, weighty commentary: 

Lindsey Graham – I keep wondering what the people of his state are thinking, repeatedly keeping him in the senate. As substance goes, Lindsey is the kind of competitor that if he stands in the bright midday sun, he creates no shadow at all.

Rand Paul, Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina – A failed libertarian, a failed neurologist, and an extremely failed businessperson? the mind boggles.

That leaves T-Rump and JeBushBush.

What a brilliant move, if the rumor about JeBushBush is true – that he sent operatives to by hook or crook, convince the Donald that he could win. What a strategery –  knowing that all you have to do is stay back in the pack, gather unbelievably huge amounts of Citizen’s United  millions, exude confidence, keep quiet and above the fray (except when Hilary accurately calls you out and you react instinctively – ie, like an idiot) and wait until the Donald self-immolates or quits, or more likely fires himself because he realizes that his campaign resembles a floating turd in an un-flushed toilet far more than a presidential caliber candidate. The added bonus is with a hothead like The Donald, he, too, will be taking aim at Hilary, with often accurate and painful aim. In fact, his attacks on Hilary might even be supported by Bush-Leaks to Team Donald in secret.

So as The Donald starts eroding the invincible aura that she tried for years to create, who is the winner? JeBushBush.

There might be token resistance to The Donald by the most obvious GOP leaders, like the RNC, the RCCC, the RSCC, and their best traitorous friend, Debbie Whatshername Schultz who ACTUALLY SUPPORTS Florida GOP candidates over Democrats.

Yes, I can fully believe that Donald Trump is a plant. Soooo, From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity, let’s talk agriculture:

So, what sort of plant is the Donald?

My top bet is with the species ARECACEAE

This botanical family of perennial shrubs and trees more commonly known as palm trees.  They have flowering seasons, from routinely, to as much as 100 years between flowers. Like the Donald, the vast majority are restricted to tropical, subtropical, and warm temperate climates. And just like Donald’s hair, most palms are distinguished by their large, compound, evergreen fronds arranged at the top of an unbranched stem. As well as being morphologically diverse, palms inhabit nearly every type of habitat within their range, from rainforests to deserts, again like the Donald. Although he is selling his $21 million condo in NYC.

The next bet would be ROSACAEA

This botanical family is more commonly known as roses. They form a group of plants that can be erect shrubs, climbing or trailing with stems that are often armed with sharp prickles. Flowers vary in size and shape and are usually large and showy, in colours ranging from white through yellows and reds. In fact, grasping a Donald is no easier than grasping a thorny rose. Both will bite back. The problem is that while both roses and the Donald are superb at attracting attention, even at a distance, a rose uses its color, aroma, and natural beauty to grab your attention, while the Donald uses inane attacks, lies, deceit and more than anything, he relies on human nature to be attracted to a coming train wreck.

The last potential possibility would be PINACAEA

This botanical family includes the plants that we know as Pines. Woody, with an incredible variety of cone, leaf and seed characteristics, varieties can do as well in a blazing desert like Las Vegas as an ocean front area like the Jersey shore. Various species can survive in both temperate and subtropical regions of, where they are grown as timber or cultivated as ornamental plants in parks and gardens. Like the Donald too many of the introduced species have become invasive and threaten native ecosystems. Also like the Donald, the vast majority of Pines are notoriously thin skinned, somewhat sappy, and when exposed to too much heat, they can literally explode in flame.

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