August 6, 2006 – science quiz

quote:
In 1806, the Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor Francis II abdicated.

In 1965, President Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act.

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
quote:
“In our windy world, what’s up is faith, what’s down is heresy.”
— Alfred Tennyson

From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:
a) Parse this Snow-flake
Tony Snow, on George Bush’s little Texas Vacation and the growing disasters in Lebanon, IraqNam, Gaza, and Afghanistan:
quote:
“I don’t think he has any illusions about what lies ahead.”

This means:
a) George Bush was delusional before, but his meds kicked in.
b) Tony Snow has no present recollection about the state of the president’s delusions.
c) Snow recognizes that Bush is too far gone to recognize illusion as mere magic tricks.
d) Snow was referring to the shrub Bush intends to clear from his ranch, rather then the devastation and loss of innocent lives brought on by failed US muddle east policies.
e) other.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – — –

IT’S Silly Science Sunday Quiz Thyme!

1. The science that deals with the Universe beyond the Earth is called
a. Chemotherapy
b. Astronomy
c. Psychology
d. Bible studies
e. Gastroenterology

2. The fourth planet from the sun is
a. Earth
b. Pluto
c. Mars
d. Alpha Centari
e. The bible tells us that they are all god’s creations, painted on a heavenly tapestry 6,015 years ago.

5. What causes ion storms to form?
A. High and low pressure earthly weather fronts collide, causing a little ionics to form in the upper atmosphere which sometimes extends to the ground. These ionics storm around like angry native American Indians seeking their very own white man scalp.
B. God uses ions to kill sinners when He wants a quick result, as opposed to the somewhat slower means of plagues and pestilence.
C. An interplanetary coronal mass ejection (ICME), caused by the disruption of the fast and slow solar winds. “ion storms” are also called “solar storms” or “space storms”

6. Why are some women unable to have children?
A. It is their punishment for being adulterers, wiccans, pagans, supporters of reproductive rights and the woman’s right to vote. (whether they admit these sins or not).
B. It is the product of fallopian tubes that are not fully developed or complications with the uterus that are the result of various medical phenomena.
C. THEY are evil descendants of the island of Lesbos, meaning that they will forever be banned from understanding their subservient role among god’s first creation, man.

7. What causes tsunamis?
A. Intense heat in the Earth’s core causes platelets to collide, thereby shaking and splitting the ground, causing major waves to form on the surface of the ocean.
B. God inflicts earthquakes on sinners when he is really angry.
C. Tsunamis are caused by Al Gore’s global warming. Nature is so repelled by his foolishness that even the oceans try to escape it
D. Tsunamis do not exist. They are make-believe fictions created to sell ad space on CNN and Faux News.

8. Genetic manipulation of embryonic stem cells is thought to be:
a. a potential cure for many deadly conditions and diseases
b. a mortal sin in god’s eyes, although signing statements permitting torture of civilian prisoners in Iraq, the “collateral damage” resulting in the deaths of thousands during US bombing campaigns, and the utter devastation caused by US Middle East policies are not sins.
c. is totally different, ethically, morally and biblicly, than the death penalty. One is blessed by god, the other is a mortal sin.

9. Why do certain areas of the world experience drought?
A. When the last scotch bottle heads towards empty, dangerous drought conditions are considered to exist
B. This God’s punishments for sin.
C. Rain is the devil’s way to saying that your stink will fit in perfectly in Hell.
D. Imbalance in humidity, rain and weatherfronts can lead to sustained lack of rainfall. El Nino and La Nina are prime examples of causes of drought.

10. Why are some men afflicted with hemorrhoids?
A. The affliction is yet another of God’s countless methods of punishing sinners.
B. Hemorrhoids occur when veins in the rectum enlarge from straining or pressure.
C. Some members of the GOP are genetically inclined to be pains in the rears for everyone around them. This is called hyperhemmorrhoidism
D. The use of public toilets is the sole cause for this condition.
E. men who hang around with women descended from Lesbos are destined to sit on their asses and itch.

I am a mortal enemy to arbitrary government and unlimited power. I am very jealous for the rights and liberties of my country; the least encroachment on those invaluable privileges makes my blood boil. Benjamin Franklin

The Church of Ineffable Stupidity: 7/30/06

In 1844, the New York Yacht Club was founded.

In 1975, former Teamsters union president Jimmy Hoffa disappeared in suburban Detroit

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!

“The historical content of the Bible must naturally submit to the same criticism as all other historical material, without prejudice to scholarship.”
— Thorstein Veblen

The Church of Ineffable Stupidity will hold off on its Silly Science Sunday Quiz, and replace it temporarily with a Political Science Sunday Quiz:

1) Isreal killed 37 children hiding in an apartment building because:
a) They were there
b) the US built F-16 were loaded with US supplied missiles, and don’t land easily with missiles still attached
c) the laser guided missile was just a practice shot
d) Israel wanted to turn these dead christian children into future IDF fighters against H’zbullah

2) Condi Rice’s trip was cancelled today because:
a) because her inane incompetence is so striking that Beirut’s survivors did not want to puke in her face
b) she forgot her shoes
c) Lebanon could not guarantee her safety, even with the 235 heavily armed, secret service- controlled, paramilitary she now travels with
d) Her refusal to call for a cease-fire before, while approving a speed up of US re-supply of laser guided missiles has led to vast anger throughout the middle east against the US
e) George Bush wanted her to practice a speech about the good news from Baghdad

3) Israel withdrew from a border town in Lebanon because:
a) H’zbullah is far stronger than US and Israeli intel suggested
b) Israeli generals used the Don Rumsfeld battle plan, guaranteeing a fiasco
c) People fighting for their lives, their kids and their own land tend not to want to give it up easily.
d) Condi Rice is deeply saddened that they did not maintain their presence in the Lebanese town.
e) George Bush wanted more time to party with American Idol stars.

4) There is little news being reported from Iraq because:
a) things are going so well there, and the MSM has an unspoken moratorium against good news about Iraq
b) with 5,000 leaves cancelled, a redeployment of 10,000 more and an increase of 3,700 troops to Baghdad, they are waiting for some – any – the slightest bit of good news to report before they allow MSM in
c) the fresh dead bodies piling up each day in Iraq caused massive road blocks, preventing the MSM from getting their stories out to their editors.
d) the lack of electricity and water meant that all journalists (those not accidently shot by coalition forces) have decided to stay indoors in the green zone. That and the mortar shells falling in the green zone.
e) No news is good news. Really. Trust me. Mission accomplished.

5) Global warming will finally be known to be a fact when:
a) private golf courses are banned from watering their fairways and putting greens
b) people begin to march on the mansions of the CEOs of Exxon, BP, Amoco and others.
c) people begin frying their fresh egs and bacon breakfasts out on their sidewalks.
d) people march on Washington DC to complain about energy policies and insane profits for oil companies
e) other

6) US muddle east policies concocted by Bush and Criminals, will lead to:
a) democracies will blossom throughout the region, starting with Lebanon’s democratically elected parliament.
b) Iran, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, Yemen, Kuwait and Pakistan will be so angered by bone-headed US policies that they will set aside Shia-Sunni disputes and begin an oil boycott of US and its two remaining allies, Poland and Luxemburg.
c) all arab nations will tuck tail, bow to Condi Rice and PM Olmert and proclaim that the US was right, they were wrong, and PLEASE could we do to them what we did to IRaq and install our version of democracy and freedom in their own lands.
d) mass starvation throughout Lebanon because of Israel’s policy of targetting supply lines bringing food, water and medicine to 700,000 refuges; millions of children in Iraq will die because of a lack of food, medicines and vaccines; Condi and George will do a televised dance in the Oval office, proclaiming mission accomplished.
e) other.