Church of Ineffable Stupidity

The problem that is Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on April 4, 2015

Braking gnus:

It’s part of what DNC Communications Director called an “aggressive expansion” of the committee’s communications team heading into the election cycle, which will give Democrats a solid shot at taking back the Senate and holding onto the White House.
The DNC has hired Holly Shulman, who formerly served as spokeswoman for international affairs at the Treasury Department, as its new national press secretary, per a committee release. She worked as Obama’s New Hampshire press secretary in 2012 and has previously held communications roles in congressional and statewide races in Ohio, Texas and Pennsylvania.

Debbie, Debbie, Debbie. Will the penny never drop? Or are you too greedy and self-absorbed to realize what a mess you made of the DNC?
I personally know of at least a dozen people who answered your recent survey by demanding that you be replaced. I guess we won’t see those poll results any time soon.

The core problem is that you not only mishandled the job, you actually have no clue on how to do it right.

New communications staff? THAT’S your solution?

Debbie, you pissed off every single Democratic voter with your approach last election season. Honestly, we did not want to learn how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, by totaling up sending trillions of e-mails your DNC sent, each of them more and more desperate, all demanding “Just $4 a month to save this election!” As though such tactics would change the election results. After receiving more than 40 such requests on one day, I began responding by dropping off each one of those lists.

It was, bar none, the worst approach to an election that I have ever witlessed. You not only fucked up the election, you actually supported GOPers over liberal candidates in Florida! That alone should have caused your termination.

So instead of facing up and owning up to your abject failure, instead of running a national campaign in every state and race, instead of cooperating and coordinating with the White House political staff, you went big . . . If self-dealing, greed, and ineffable stupidity constitute going big, then wow, you were successful.

And despite a horrific track record, your answer is to hire more communications staff? Seriously? I have no doubt that they may be talented, effective at their jobs, and might have some good ideas. But the basic problem is the rot at the top of the organization. There simply is no getting around the fact that you suck as DNC chair.

If you really want to serve, if you really want what is best for the DNC, the democratic party and the nation, resign. Please.

Papal Crimes and Misdemeanors

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on August 23, 2013

In some ways, both too much and too little is being made of the sex abuse crimes committed by Catholic priests around the world. From Poland to China, from Ireland to New York, from Los Angeles to Sao Paolo, priests routinely destroyed the lives of innocent little boys and girls.

Until 2005, the person who controlled every case, every claim, every piece of litigation around the world was Cardinal Ratzinger. To save electrons, I will simply call him the Rat.

The recent document release in Los Angeles again proves how closely the Rat followed each case, and controlled the actions of local officials.

While child abuse may be salacious and seedy, simply mentioning it in connection with the Rat may be good enough for MSM, but the Papal crimes go far deeper.

His resignation (something almost as rare as prayers being answered) is the fourth in the church’s 2000 year history of blood, war, murder, crusades, torture, and abuse. Perhaps that voice he heard telling him to resign was an echo of an abused’s child’s cry, as a well protected priest repeatedly sodomized and abused the kid.


From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:

Let’s break down the crimes and misdemeanors into three groups. Even one of these should have been enough to cause the shut down of this evil organization. But all three?

1. A bloody, terrifying, and deadly history:

1099 – The First Crusade
Under Pope Urban’s orders, thousands of muslims, pagans, and excommunicated people were killed by Catholic crusaders. The devastation caused by the Pope’s troops caused future starvation and major loss of life.

1312 – Knights Templar
Pope Clement the V sought to enrich himself by concocting lies, murdering most of the leaders of the Knights, and stealing their lands, riches, and treasures. In doing so, he destroyed the first international banking system.

1545 – the Massacre of Merindol
Pope Paul decides to eradicate 24 villages which were populated by protestants. Thousands were killed, including women and children. The Pope pardons those involved.

1572 –  St. Bartholomew’s Massacre
Under the french crown’s orders, with strong papal support,  30,000 Huguenauts were murdered by Catholic goon squads, because of their protestant beliefs. The pope wrote and congratulated the french king on his success. Pope Gregory XIII issued a medal celebrating the murders, which was awarded to anyone who killed sufficient numbers of non-catholics.

1626-1631 – Bamberg Massacre
German catholics embark on non-stop witch hunts, causing the deaths of hundreds of innocents. German towns suffered greatly under the Church, with at least two towns having most women over the age of 30 being exterminated due charges of witchcraft.

I won’t bother mentioning the crusades to the Iberian Peninsula, used to clear out indigenous scientists, scholars, poets and scribes who made the mistake of being Muslim. I will ignore the Eastern European crusades, which wiped out indigenous tribes and cultures. And, temporarily, let’s forget about the later crusades to Save Jerusalem from its Own Peoples.

With this kind of history, how can anyone think that this organization is an asset to humanity?

2. Banking Scandals: Money laundering, drug dealing, arms trade

This topic alone could take volumes to describe. Remember Banco Ambrosiano, a Vatican scandal that led to the murders of bankers, witnesses, prosecutors, and blackmail by the Church and its mafia friends?  This scandal exploded in the 1980s.

Banco Ambrosiano was known as the Pope’s bank, or the Vatican’s bank. It provided criminal organizations an easy path to launder money and to transfer great sums to certain friends. Unsavory investments and worse went forward, When the Banco finally collapsed, records of financial support and bribery to both sides of the Nicaraguan revolution was tied to the Vatican. It profited from selling arms used in the killing of thousands.

Because laundering money was so profitable, the Vatican Bank stepped up and fill the shoes of Banco. Once again, criminal organizations, international drug dealers, arms dealers – often involving enemies of Italy and NATO, had a way to transfer huge amounts of money without US or Euro knowledge or oversight.

Money laundering for the Mafia, drug lords, weapons dealers, perhaps even terrorist states, and extremely questionable dealings by the Roman Curia were uncovered as recently as July, 2012. The man behind the crimes and their stonewalling cover-ups is the current  Vatican Secretary of State Tarcisio Bertone. Not only does he double deal on the world political stage, he has his sticky fingers on the 7-8 Billion euros that are directly controlled by the Vatican. This does NOT include income, capital gains, or real estate investments.

There is no indication that the Vatican Bank and the Sec. of State have changed their ways since the 1980s, when the corrupt Milanese banker Robert Calvi and the mafia financier Michele Sidona were found to be dealing with drug dealers, weapons sales (to groups directly opposed to NATO interests), and other fascinating, corrupt practices. When one avenue for  crimes was ended because of the Banco collapse, (under Archbishop Paul Marcinkus) the Vatican simply moved its dirty dealings to two accounts at JP Morgan Chase, opened by the Vatican Bank.

Millions of Vatican dollars were deposited to one account in Milan, then transferred (and laundered) in another JP Morgan account in Germany, effectively erasing the trail of how the Vatican originally got the funds. After Italian police froze tens of millions of dollars in the Milan account, the Vatican pled, bribed, stonewalled, and pushed for the the re-openning of that account and release of those funds. Eventually Italy agreed to release the funds it froze, but it refuses to put the Vatican Bank back on the list of approved banks. In simpler terms, the Vatican Bank is still so dirty and connected with mob, drug, and arms dealing money, that not even the Italian Government allows it to do business with it, or allows it to do international business.

There is no way around the fact that the Vatican Bank invested in, profited from, and did everything possible to keep its many ties to crime and heavy duty criminals quiet. Many groups currently blowing up parts of our allies’ cities might have been armed and supported by the Vatican.

3. Rev. Marciel Maciel, Ireland. Poland. Spain. Los Angeles. Milwaukee. New York. Chicago. Milwaukee. Boston. Las Vegas (where catholic churches actually outnumber casinos) Rio. Mexico City. Beijing. Toronto. Boston. Germany. France.

The list of cities and countries currently investigating the Church’s sexual abuse of children continues to grow. The worst thing about it? How The Rat ran the office in charge of these crimes from 1982 to 2005. EVERY decision, every destruction of documents, every hidden witness, or transferred witness, every legal stance taken by the church in every country was approved and ordered by the Rat. His sole goal was to protect the accused, and to hide evidence. Never did he care for the kids whose lives were ruined.

The US Catholic church boasts of having 60 million sheeple. More than 100,000 children were sexually abused by this criminal organization – according to its own records!  Child Abuse statistics from the Catholic Church. The church admits that in the US alone, there were 6,195 priests who actively sexually abused children. Many of these criminals REMAIN ACTIVE as priests in the USA.

Any organization that cherishes, protects, and employs 6,000+ active criminals is not a holy institution. It is a criminal organization.

– – –

It would take a brave politician indeed to question the continued coddling and protection that Church has received from state and federal governments. Its tax free status, its huge land holdings through out the USA (it remains the biggest landowner in Chicago, sometimes secretly owning great swaths of the Loop and lakeside properties) and its manipulation of the bankruptcy laws should shock the conscience of any ethical human. But this church is not ethical.

As recently as 2003, high ranking Vatican members celebrated the hiding of child abusing priests and the destruction of documents. Here are the immoral words of just one such Vatican cardinal, Dario Castrillon Hoyos, thanking a bishop for his coverup:

I congratulate you for not denouncing a priest to the civil administration. You have acted well and I am please to have colleagues in the episcopate who, in the eyes of history and all other bishops in the world, preferred prison to denouncing his son and priest.


Take Milwaukee, for example. The Archdiocese faced more than 200 claims, involving several priests. So it transferred the culprits, without warning the new parishes of the priests’ abuse history. Faced with growing numbers of complaints, and seeing a great opportunity to screw the victims one more time, the archdiocese transferred tens of millions of dollars in assets to a small cemetery in Milwaukee, allegedly funding its upkeep. Given the small size and low cost of upkeep, this transfer keeps the cemetery in shape for more than a thousand years. And it keeps the millions out of the hands of those greedy little children who dared attract those innocent priests.
Luckily, the tide is turning. Recently,  Illinois and Minnesota withdrew their statutes of limitation on sexual child abuse crimes, and New York is actively working its own statute. BY withdrawing these bars to civil recovery, victims who frequently covered up and hid their own abuse can finally seek some remedy, even though the abuse likely scarred them for life.

As for this new pope, Francis? According to attorneys on the street, those involved in child abuse litigation, nothing has changed. The same hardball tactics, the same reluctance to comply with discovery, and the same insulting approach to the victims continues unabated.

Monster Beverage hires some Experts

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on March 5, 2013

Breaking News: Dateline NEW YORK — “Monster Beverage is hitting back at a lawsuit alleging its energy drinks were responsible for the death of a 14-year-old Maryland girl, saying that no blood test was performed to confirm that the girl died of “caffeine toxicity.” The disclosure comes amid intensifying scrutiny of energy drinks and their caffeine levels. A lawsuit filed last year by the family of Anais Fournier said the girl went into cardiac arrest after drinking two, 24-ounce cans of Monster drinks in a 24-hour period.

At least five deaths since July, 2012, were attributed to Monster consumption by teens.
– – – –

In unrelated news, ten years ago, the FDA announced that carbonated beverages containing caffeine could not contain more than 65 mgs per can, especially when sold in carbonated form. The only exception were beverages intended solely to provide massive caffeine doses, such as Vivrin. Such drinks were designed for over-the-road CDL drivers who conveniently forgot about US-DOT’s limitation on hours of service. Vivrin and similar drinks contain no more than 200 mgs per daily dose.

Since the GOP managed to fuck over ejukashun programs across the country, starting with Leave No Childs Behind, and ending with efforts to teach Creationism and Intelligent Design as real, honest, god-given Science, (with a capital C), it is no surprise that illiteracy has become a way of life for growing numbers of Tea Bagger members and their offspring.

Following closely behind is Innumeracy. For those unaware of this mental deficiency and unable to find a dictionary on their computer, someone suffering from Innumeracy is defined as “A person who is unfamiliar with mathematical concepts and methods.”

By “mathematical concepts and methods” I mean basic arithmetic, subtraction, and multiplication of digits no greater in length than two. Division, fractions, and percentages create a Brave New World which such sufferers recognize as alien and strange, something to be ignored in the hopes that it goes away. For example, to a TeaBuggered sufferer of Innumeracy, if you threatened them with a course in advanced arithmetic, and said, “Here’s Lesson One,” most of them would suspect that you were talking about “Zero.”

Applying basic math to Monster, two of their drinks would have approximately EIGHT FUCKING TIMES the amount of caffeine that the FDA considered the maximum more than a decade ago.

I am sure that none of the sponsors or manufacturers ever attended a Rave, or any teen-based get together. It would be impossible to predict that in the heat of the dance, or a great hormone-raging party, that your functionally illiterate and innumerate teen would recognize that drinking two Monsters could be fatal. That doing so put 8 times the recommended maximum dose of a powerful drug into your bloodstream. That Caffeine can kill in relatively high doses. That kids do stupid things on a dare. That kids, and even adults, are incapable of recognizing dangers that might be hidden on a drink label or warning. That by aiming their advertising at teen kids, they are creating a potentially deadly mix of party, ‘coolness,’ drink, and death.

Luckily, Monster, Inc talked to Big Tobacco, Asbestos manufacturers, and BP, and learned from them which medical group they used to procure “experts” necessary for them to defend their product from any rational attacks. Watch those same prostitutes offer a defense which mentions free enterprise, “not our fault!”, “they could easily swallow a bottle of aspirin”, and  the scientific proof is sorely missing, as topics.
– – – –

In more unrelated news, the family of 14 year old, Anais Fournier, is the family that filed suit against Monster Beverage, Inc. Their daughter attended a party, drank two Monster drinks, and died of cardiac arrest. Monster’s defense? It is impossible to die of Caffeine Toxicity. It’s not our fault. Our product is innocent, safe, and pop-(profitable)-ular.


On edit, one reader emailed me and asked about the Famous “Fox Effect” on today’s yute. While I certainly agree that anyone watching Fox News eventually suffers from cognitive difficulties, because the average viewer of Fox News is in excess of 73.2 years of age, I doubted that Fox and fiends has any impact on drinkers of Monster.

The Onion Factor

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on February 15, 2013

In some future history book, or more likely, an iHistory App, a century from now, people will look back at our era and point to us, right here and now, as the day. To be more precise, “THE DAY!”  Historians, social scientists, psychologists and other mental health experts of all stripes will look at all of the events transpiring, exchange looks, nod wisely and agree, “This is When The Onion Factor Began.”

With all apologies to the Onion, when I skimmed over my daily papers (yes, I still like the rubbed ink smears, especially with cross words, and even crosser numbers like Sudoku), then switched to my early morning news feeds, I realized something that jarred me rather fiercely.

I could no longer tell the difference between the Onion and actual media outlets.

Here’s are just a few examples:

1) Freedumb works on porn?
You all know by now who Freedom Works is – a ultra-reich wing outlet that the Koch Brothers and others have used to astroturf the TeaBuggerers. Their performance in the last election cycle ranged between pathetic and laughable, and still their presence is like a rotting elephant’s corpse in the corner. Their very threat of interference leaves formerly solid re-election bets like Mitch McConnell shivering in their britches. Because McConnell doesn’t scream “NO!” loudly enough in Pres. Obama’s face.

The TeaBuggered billionaire outlet, proving again that money and wisdom rarely mix, apparently has a bit of a PR problem.

First, Dick Armey resigned, made threats, then walked away with $6 million in hush money from them. Next, we learn that Matt Kibbe, Freedom Works’ president, used FW resources, staff and money to “write” a book while he was supposedly working for FW. He then spent six figures of FW money to raise the book’s profile artificially (Amazon, etc) and kept all of the book’s revenues for himself.

In most states, that’s considered criminal fraud.

Amazingly, it gets better. They invested untold sums of money in video-taping a porn flick. Yes, the organization that proudly calls itself a natural ally of American Family Association and christian conservatives around the country, FW actually filmed a porn flick involving a female in a panda suit servicing a Faux Hilary Clinton with oral sex.

As I said, we have achieved the Onion Factor.

No matter how badly they act, no matter how gruesome their crimes, the LAPD manage to outdo themselves.

I abhor violence, and the idea of a crazy former cop running around kidnapping and shooting people is extremely disturbing. BUT – they found this guy’s wallet and ID at another crime scene. They corner this rat, and burn down the cabin – with him inside. And then, they claim that his drivers license helped ID him? This guy loses his wallet and ID, there’s a state wide police hunt going on, and he worries about being stopped while driving without his license? AND the license survived the fire? AND they just happened to bring dental records before the fire started “to help with ID?”

Everyone, EVERY SINGLE ONE of us is entitled to Due Process of law. The instant that we make snap decisions and allow our police kill people they deem dangerous, without proper court proceedings, without proper safeguards, without the rule of law, our society has begun in a death spiral that will be impossible to escape. It may be hard, it may be emotional, it may take time, and cost money, but damn it, TRY THE GUY for his crimes. If a jury finds him guilty, then carry out the sentence. But, do not have police sell us their revenge package and call it justice. Because every single one of us become at risk with that kind of justice.

3) Fox News
Amid a few, lonely signs of rational thinking, (firing Palin, for example) Faux has outdone itself. It seems that they forgot who won the November election, and continue to treat our political process – no, I can’t find a valid comparison. But, as one telling example, Fox News’ Martha MacCallum and Brian Kilmeade learned of the 102 year old Desiline Victor’s voting problems. She was forced to wait in line for hours, as GOP plans to artificially suppress minority voters worked almost as planned.

The Fox spin readers’ response? On air? THEY LAUGHED AT HER. “What’s the big deal?”

4) Evangelical Groups seeking to kill LGBT in Ugana funded by the State
Even in a more socially fair and sophisticated country like Canada, the crazies still have too much control. Christian Crossroads receives money from Ontario to operate in Uganda – where they are working towards making homosexuality a crime punishable by death. Shame on you, Ontario, shame!

5) North Carolina
Despite having the highest unemployment rate in the country, this collection of jerks decided to cut some taxes for a few favored businesses, while also cutting unemployment benefits for the unemployed by 35%.

Yeah, let CEOs take home more money, while cutting the lives short for hundreds of thousands of people.

Who said The Onion Factor was sane?

6) GOP Behavior
Just a few years ago, John Kerry(D) was the target of tens of millions of attack ads, and personal attacks so disgusting and stomach turning, that even some GOPers were repulsed. Last week, the vast majority of the Senate voted to approve him as secretary of state.

Yesterday, the same GOP cretins decided to filibuster the president’s nominee for Secretary of War, Charles Hagel, a conservative Republican. Why? Hagel and AIPAC don’t care much for each other, and Hagel tends to speak his mind. (The second is by far, the greater sin).

The excuse the idiot party uses is Libya (a place that few of the senators could find on a map or a globe. Definitely not a globe, for several of them, since their world is flat and 6000 years old)and the unfortunate attack on a CIA- State Department outpost. After cutting funds to secure such places, the GOP now complains that those bases were too insecure.

Funny how so few of them demanded “answers” after 9/11, eh? Instead, they promoted the bimbo who held the chair for their president’s National Security Council. They also uniformly voted to invade the wrong country, and pushed for covering up torture and huge frauds committed by GOP contractors in Iraq.

There is so much more out there. Just pick up a national paper (too many of the regional ones have been raped by take over experts, and no longer do “news” and take a gander.

An Abortion Deal for today’s GOP

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on January 26, 2013

After the RNC spent hours, even days, trying to find out what went wrong, and trying to find a path to electoral victories in the future, the RNC came to a stunning conclusion:

“Our message is correct. We simply didn’t present it well.”

( I feel like throwing in a random “Fundamentally” or “Fundamental” in there. As in, “Our fundamentalist message is correct.”)

We also learned today that the GOP decided to concentrate on “abortion” as their 2013 key issue. Both Rand Paul and John Boehner agreed to make banning all abortions their key program. Let’s take them at their word. After all, when they promised to gum up all the works in Congress after 2010, they did precisely what they promised. Ergo, I see no reason to doubt their words or their intent. Given the spanking they received on taxes, on gay marriage, on the role of government, they may have realized that the RNC’s vaunted Idea Cupboard was pretty much bare, except for abortion.

Before today’s announcement about the RNC’s direction for 2013, here is what Rence Preibus (1/13/2013) had to say about the President:

“Today’s press conference reveals just how little President Obama cares about deficit reduction. There is nothing ‘responsible’ about continuing to put trillions of dollars on the nation’s credit card,” said RNC Chairman Reince Priebus. “Instead of showing leadership, the president seems to believe he has no role in leading the country toward fiscal responsibility. Instead, he prefers to cast blame elsewhere. But he is the one who promised to cut the deficit in half in his first term and then presided over the first four $1 trillion deficits in American history, racking up more debt in one term than any president before him. “Republicans take our spending crisis seriously because it’s a drag on our economy and a threat to our children’s future. President Obama should tackle these issues head on, like a president, instead of running from the problem.” If it weren’t so funny, I’d be crying. In all honesty, having two strong, capable, and rational political parties is healthy for a nation. When both sides honestly try to do what is right for the nation, and compromise in favor of doing good, the results are usually good. Not perfect, not happy, not complete, but generally good. If one side or the other has too much power, they make mistakes or misuse their power.
Unfortunately, what I describe above does not exist in America. We don’t have two strong or capable parties. Most importantly, we do not have two rational national parties. Both parties are (ahem) fundamentally flawed.

Today’s GOP is simply crazy. If the best and the brightest of them, (those who make up the RNC) honestly believe that their positions are right on all the important issues, ie, taxes, investing in infrastructure, wall street regulations, abortion, then the only conclusion left is that they are stark raving insane. No amount of anti-psychotics or psychotropic medications will do any good. Sad to say, I suspect that those within the RNC have become so brain-washed on their pet issues, and immune to rational arguments that oppose their talking points, that they honestly think that theirs is the only working plan. Even worse, there are enough TeaBuggerers holding office to continue to hold the GOP hostage. And to top it off, their TeaBuggered supporters will punish any effort at compromise, even if it is best for the nation.

But the Democrats have their problems, too. Harry Reid demonstrated exactly how weak-kneed, spineless, and pathetic our side can be, especially in the face of certain victory on filibuster changes. At least our problem can be corrected in future elections. I don’t suspect that the degree of mental incapacity on display within the GOP is as easily fixed. Especially when a few billionaires are so willing to invest hundreds of millions in those ideas.

Here is a simple, effective, and workable plan that we should follow. In fact, we should contact all GOPers and Dems and have them sign on to this “agreement.”

If the GOP is going to support the concept of “Life” and work on banning all abortions, the the Democrats need to demand that any legislation proposed by the GOP must include a complete ban on assault weapons, large capacity magazines, and a strong mental capacity requirement for any and all gun sales. Additionally, if they really want to save lives, ban all gun shows.

What’s that I hear? Do I hear squealing of angry GOPers, upset that we would dare link two issues both intent on saving lives? Can you imagine the sputtering response of Paul Ryan and Ron Paul, when faced with the argument that gun control and abortion bans both save lives?

Honestly, I don’t expect that the GOP can afford to combine both issues, not without the TeaBuggerers going postal, and perhaps exploding in violence. The most likely result would be that GOPers would accuse the Democrats of sabotage, by linking the two issues. It would not be pretty, but heck, it would be pretty entertaining. Or as the Chinese say, “exciting times.”

So be it.

Guns in Schools?

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on December 28, 2012

1993 – Wendy Northcutt has the brilliant idea of putting together a collection of the ineffably stupid. She called it the Darwin Awards, and later published print versions of her collections.

2012 – The NRA calls for arming teachers in schools.

– – – – – – – – – – – –


From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:

In my misbegotten yute, I came up with multiple scary plans, usually involving  ironic, sarcastic, and pre-curmudgeonly humors and femurs, even devious plans. Had I taken any one of the more serious ideas to its logical conclusion, instead of only finishing the half baked and par-boiled plans, death and destruction would certainly have been involved. Quite possibly leading to the end of civilization as we know it.

For example, when I sabotaged my home in advance of my parents coming home from work, each and every one of the tricks backfired, and got me. I ended up wet, filthy, wetter, filthier, and exhausted. I was, as it were, the April Fool.   Think of it as crushing a dozen habanero peppers with your fingers, then rubbing your eyes. You cry so much that you could not help laughing. At yourself.  When I was away at boy scout camp, and I got others to agree to . . . . Never mind. Those memories are too painful.

Needless to say, part of one’s growing experience is falling flat on one’s face, learning the right lesson, and picking one’s self up by the bootstraps. Or as Sir Douglas Adams wrote,

“A learning experience is one of those things that says, ‘You know that thing you just did? Don’t do that.”

As I eventually survived my error prone yute-dumb and became a fool-fledged adult-aged  curmudgeon, I learned that my actions often caused reactions or other events to occur. I even learned that making a silly or stupid action would result in a silly, stupid, embarrassing, even harmful result. Some people call that the act of maturing.

The good thing is, not everybody does it. Where would we be without the Sarah Palins, the Eric Cantors, the Dick Armeys of the world, and where would our comics and comedians find new raw material?

It is in this vein that we should examine the latest calls to arms, specifically, the one put forth by one Wayne LaPierre.

It is bad enough that TeaBuggers have infested Washington. They are doing their immature damnedest to take this country out of an economic rut, and instead, put it out of its misery, permanently. TeaBuggerers pose a clear and present danger to democracy. Hard to believe as it is, there is one group even more stupid, more dangerous, and more immature than TeaBuggerers: The NRA and its strongest supporters.

Given my dirty tricks experiences, I have found it easiest, safest, and smartest to review my plans from a “worst case scenario.” If I dig this mantrap in a forest, and fill the bottom of the pit with sharpened stakes, what on earth could go wrong? If I take this burning cloth, and stuff it into my neighbor’s car’s gas tank, what might happen? If I light this firecracker and grasp it tightly, what would be the result?

Or, more specifically, If I arm every teacher in grade and high school, and force them to conceal carry, what on earth could go wrong with that idea? Seriously, what?

Let me count the ways:

1. A teacher could lose his, her, its temper, especially with a classroom filled with unruly yutes, intent on make the teach miserable.

2. A teacher could accidentally drop a loaded weapon in a class filled with 3d graders.

3. A teacher could finally learn that his, her, its, spouse was having an affair with Mr. Jones in History/ Social Studies. And lose his, her, its temper.

4. A teacher could have his, her, its, gun stolen by an unruly yute, one with the same level of immaturity that caused my parents so much grief in years past.

5. Or, the likeliest scenario – the gun goes off as intended, but the rank amateur pulling, not squeezing the trigger, is unable to aim it properly. And as all well designed machines, it goes off as intended, just not where expected.

I’ve had some experience in shooting. In high school NJROTC, I was sent to Quantico, where I learned to shoot M-16s, handguns, even an automatic weapon. Despite intensive training, a very experienced NCO intent on making my life hell, and repeated efforts, my handgun skills were laughable. Since then, I have taken several civilian and police courses on shooting safety and practice. Not only were they far less intense than the Navy version, they taught far less. With a rifle, I can hit someplace on a target. With a pistol, at 20 yards, pissing at it upwind might be more accurate. Under severe stress and fear? Forget it.

I know this is an indirect, long-running, way of getting to the point, but if the points are unclear,  let me make them plain.

A. Having a loaded gun in a room filled with yutes is a very silly idea.

B. Arming teachers, who spent years learning about their subject matter, and then, years about how to properly teach that subject matter, who have as much in common with a trained marksman as a melted snowflake has with a Cray supercomputer, is an ineffably stupid idea.

C. Having ill-trained teachers mix it up with an unruly class filled with yutes, WHILE ARMED, is an even more ineffably stupid idea.

D. Anyone seriously promoting the idea of arming school teachers is so immature, so irrational, and quite possibly demented or mentally ill, that nothing they say should ever be taken seriously. Not without a written release, sworn and attested to under oath, by a panel of examining psychiatrists and psychologists who will personally guarantee that the current treatment and proper administration of anti-psychotic medications has cured that particular individual of all of his, her, its ills.  

I just learned that 7 – count em, SEVEN states are seriously considering conceal carry in schools. Who ever thought that gerrymandering based on Ineffable Stupidity would ever become so widespread?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get rid of Luke Russert

Posted in Uncategorized by pastoragnostic on December 27, 2012

This talentless, arrogant, smug moron is ruining my mornings. 

Shaden . . .Schadan . . .Schade . . . oh, Fuck it.

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on December 15, 2012

Schadenfreude: noun. Deriving pleasure from another’s mishap or misfortune.

The damned prototype spy drone in Texas actually attacked their own  SWAT team’s armored vehicle. During a photo op!

What the hell are they doing a photo op for, anyway, not to mention buying their own domestic spy drone? Oh, wait. It is Texas.

drones –
1 day ago … Police drone crashes into police SWAT team. A Texas sheriff’s office confirms safety concerns about the spread of domestic drones …


The Montgomery County, Texas Sheriff’s Office had planned a big photo opportunity with their newly acquired surveillance drone. It all went horrible wrong wehn, according to the Examiner, “[The] prototype drone was flying about 18-feet off the ground when it lost contact with the controller’s console on the ground. It’s designed to go into an auto shutdown mode…but when it was coming down the drone crashed into the SWAT team’s armored vehicle.” (The SWAT team had suited up, armored vehicle on hand, for the purpose of the photo).

In a time where every major street corner is permanently under police surveillance, where the NSA keeps all of your texts, emails, and web searches, where unreasonable searches and seizures are the norm, not a rare exception, this story has me fucking rolling on the floor.I can’t wait for chapter two, where a NYPD undercover squad, trying to infiltrate a mosque in Brooklyn, accidentally arrests a secret FBI squad doing the same thing. Or chapter three, where an illegal domestic CIA team ends up in a shoot out with a secret ATF team trying to take control of domestic pot sales in Washington state.

Schadenfreude – it is not just for happy hour anymore.

Who has been the most disgusting since Newtown, Conn?

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on December 15, 2012

Back in my yute, when I was mostly harmless, searching for a restaurant at the end of the universe, and figuring out how not to panic, I really didn’t have a clue about the real world. Some call it high school. I called it a waste of time, for the most part. When a couple of my “friends” began making truly offensive jokes (hitler not having enough time, blacks being not quite human, and irish doing something I could not even understand to potatoes), I did not find the jokes funny. But, admittedly, I was also too immature to realize how insensitive, how rude and insulting such “humor” was. Looking back at those days, I still cringe. At myself.

Most of those folks, if Facebook is telling the truth, unsurprisingly, have been stricken with chronic TeaBuggerism. Except to adapt the President to their jokes, or vice versa, from the little contact I have, I don’t believe that their level of maturity, their empathy, or their understanding of society has changed since freshman year in HS. Pro gun, pro bible, pro TeaBuggery, anti Obama, anti Regulations, anti Gun Control, and anti rational thinking.

Which brings me to the Reverend Huckabee. Evangelical sick man Bryan Fischer. Pat Dollard. and others.

From the Church of Ineffable Stupidity:

At least Sarah Palin learned her Retreat vs. Reload lesson. Given how much abuse I have directed at her over the past 4-5 years, if she does something right, not only is it a major surprise, but I feel almost compelled to reward good behavior. Her words could have come from any rational, empathic, thinking individual:

“My heart goes out to the families of the victims of this terrible tragedy in Connecticut today. Words can’t express the horror everyone feels in seeing such evil manifested against innocent children. Nothing could be worse than the murder of innocent children. Let’s all pray for the victims, their families, and the whole nation.”

Thank you, Mrs. Palin. Those words could (and have been) expressed by many living in the non-NRA real world.
Even Michele Bachmann acted with what appears to be dignity and empathy:

“My thoughts and prayers are with the children, teachers and families in Connecticut as they mourn this heartbreaking tragedy.”

As for the majority of the GOP, TeaBaggers, or the NRA, it ain’t purty. In fact, it is downright ugly.
David Frum, a former speech writer for W, tweeted, sarcastically as I have learned

“Shooting at CT elementary school. Obviously, we need to lower the age limit for concealed carry so toddlers can defend themselves.”

Unfortunately, some gun nuts like Frum’s idea, and are taking it seriously, rather than understanding it to be satire. Thanks to those who educated me on Frum here.
Michele Malkin attacked the “liberals” for abusing the situation, and being disgusting in their efforts to politicize this event.

Mike Hucksterbee took the cake, at least temporarily, by claiming that God caused this to happen because, no, let’s use his own words on Fox. It is only fair:

”We ask why there is violence in our schools, but we have systematically removed God from our schools. Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage? Because we’ve made it a place where we don’t want to talk about eternity, life, what responsibility means, accountability.”

Right, Mike. It’s our fault because we took god out of schools.  Say, Mike, most of Europe is pretty agnostic these days. How many kids have been killed in their schools, because they took Her (its?) image out of schools?

But even Hucksterbee could not maintain his crown of frown. It took only moments before Bryan Fischer, quite possibly one of the sickest bastards in America, could beat out the Huckster:


“You know the question’s gonna come up, where was God? I thought God cared about the little children, God protected the little children. Where was God when all this went down? And here’s the bottom line: God is not gonna go where he’s not wanted. Now we have spent, since 1962, this, we’re 50 years into this now, we have spent 50 years telling God to get lost. Telling God, we do not want you in our schools, we don’t want to pray to you in our schools, we don’t want to pray to you before football games, we don’t want to pray to you at graduation, we don’t want anyone talking about you in a graduation speech.”
“We’ve kicked God out of our public school system. And I think God would say to us, ‘Hey I’ll be glad to protect your children, but you’ve gotta invite me back into your world first. I’m not gonna go where I’m not wanted. I am a gentleman.’”

Football games? FOOTBALL GAMES? Your god caused a sick young adult to kill 20 children in cold blood BECAUSE WE DON’T PRAY BEFORE FOOTBALL GAMES?
For those who don’t know Fischer, the term wackjob does him no justice. As late as January, 2012, he claimed that HIV does not cause AIDS, (which he calls a hoax used to justify wasting federal funds) but rather recreational drug use does. Two of his more famous quotes was to claim that the president “despises the constitution, … nurtures a hatred for the white man, and aims to destroy capitalism,” as well as the truly disgusting:

“God is obviously looking for is more Phinehases in our day”

Phineas is the orthodox saint who became famous for assassinating anyone who broke god’s moral laws ( ie, Israelites having sex with Midianites), and is credited fixing Israel’s moral code by banishing the worship of false idols. Killing in god’s name is a blessing, according to Phineas. Adulterers, agnostics, gays, mormons, humanists (especially humanists) are precisely the kind of targets that Fischer would like to be Phineated.

I don’t think it can be put any simpler than, Bryan Fischer is one sick fuck.

– – –

On second thought, perhaps those who took Frum seriously are on to something. Perhaps, arming teachers would instill more authority in the classroom, AND allow teachers to shoot first, ask questions second, thereby preventing future Newtowns. Perhaps arming young students would allow them to defend themselves. Perhaps we should start training them in the womb.

As I look back to my HS days, and think of how immature, how sick, and how temperamental my “friends” – the future TeaBuggerers were, thinking of them with concealed weapons, armed, stupid, and willful, yeah, adding more guns to the mix would really be something. Something ineffably stupid.

THREE more groups deserve our scorn:




What fucker of a fucking production editor decided to put little boys and girls on live TV? Honestly, have you fucking fucked up fuck-headed fuckers fucked your brains so fucking much that you think it was alright to televise a little kid after such a horror? SERIOUSLY? I can’t contain my anger enough other than to say, FUCK YOU.

The autolobotimized morans from the Michigan legislature voted to allow students to conceal weapons and take them to school. Not just school, but, ” to carry concealed weapons in places such as schools, churches, day-care centers, sports arenas and stadiums, hospitals, bars and taverns, and college campuses.”

Oh, goody. I can see it now. The Bears travel to Lions territory, and a Chicago fan, rapidly self-medicating with Jaeger, stands up, “Hey, Lions! You Suck!”
End of taunt.

All this law needs is Snyder’s signature. And you thought GOPers couldn’t get any sicker or any more ineffably stupid.

Finally, the best response has come from the NRA, quite possibly, the people most responsible for unbridled gun show sales, horrible laws on the books re gun ownership and sales, and keeping rational limitations on gun ownership out of the law. Here’s what they said:










Silence says it all, no?

Larry Pratt, Gun Owners of America. No comments are necessary:

“Gun control supporters have the blood of little children on their hands. Federal and state laws combined to insure that no teacher, no administrator, no adult had a gun at the Newtown school where the children were murdered. This tragedy underscores the urgency of getting rid of gun bans in school zones. The only thing accomplished by gun free zones is to insure that mass murderers can slay more before they are finally confronted by someone with a gun.”

Where did all the moderate GOPers go?

Posted in Church of Ineffable Stupidity Sermons by pastoragnostic on October 20, 2012

1984 – Ronald Reagan wins re-election by a landslide, creating the era later known as “Mourning In America.”

1994 – Newt Gingrich  strong arms himself into the national scene and issues his infamous “Contract On America.”

2005 – A chastened Arlen Specter apologizes to the entire GOP and White House for daring to state that he would use his independent judgment in the next Supreme Court nomination vote. The GOP never forgave him, and Specter then moved across the aisle.


Before you go hog wild, this is not your usual conspiracy theory. According to Wikipedia,

A conspiracy theory explains an event as being the result of an alleged plot by a covert group or organization or, more broadly, the idea that important political, social or economic events are the products of secret plots that are largely unknown to the general public.

This particular theory is not so much a theory, but fact. The actors were not acting in secret plots, but announcing their plans in public.


Here are some names for you to chew on: Bob Packwood, Mark Hatfield, Lowell Weicker, John Anderson, Charles Mathias, Susan Collins, and John Heinz.

You might even want to add George H. W. Bush,  Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan to this list, because given how many times Reagan raised taxes, compromised with Democrats, and refused to outlaw abortion (although his team clearly added onerous regs and roadblocks), Reagan would be banned from today’s GOP. Nixon? for all his crimes and faults, he signed the EPA into law, he successfully directed SALT negotiations with the USSR, he fixed Social Security and VA funding, and he began discussions with our other arch-enemy, China. Imagine that. TALKING to your enemies. Negotiating with them. Coming up with peaceful solutions. Today, that would be considered treason, especially if some black Kenyan muslim was the one seeking negotiations.

Long before TeaBuggery became acceptable in American society, the attack on moderate GOPers was well underway. An unholy tri-part alliance was made with conservative religious leaders in the 1970s. It was then that rancid and disgusting groups like Moral Majority began to take form.  Another leg of this ultra-conservative tripod was a collection of superrich and very, very conservative billionaires and millionaires, who thought that John Birch was too liberal, and the KKK was a nice way to air one’s sheets out.  The last leg? rabidly conservative pols who hate compromise.  And so, christian conservatives, political conservatives, and conservative old rich guys joined forces and started their attack on our political system.

Actually, in retrospect, they were brilliant about it – and the Democrats were asleep at the wheel. We had had so many successes, that too many Democrats were simply willing to sit back and relax. Even if they suspected that there was indeed a right wing conspiracy underway, and that it would attack each and every part of government and society, they did nothing.

Shame on them.

Here are just a few of the incredible successes the ultra-conservatives have had in the past 40 years.

a. think tanks.

b. local elections.

c. rehabbing Ronald Reagan

d. attacking the media

e. claiming ours was a conservative country

f. schooling, books, charters, and worse.

g. church – state separation

h. TeaBuggery

a. Think Tanks:
In retrospect, I cannot think of a better example than this one. It took planning, it took money, and it took time (perseverance, too). When the first think tanks were created, (ignoring the Carnegie created a century ago), they had one goal, keeping conservatism and capitalism alive and well.

The first of these groups, the Hoover Institution, Heritage Foundation, and the American Enterprise Institute filled a void that no one even knew existed. Under the guidance of Lewis Powell, (former USSC justice), they were soon attacking anything that smelled of redistribution, regulation, and that might conceivably help those in need.  Together with the national Chamber of Commerce, they forged an alliance that has been destroying every liberal and moderate gain since Teddie Roosevelt and FDR.  Want some examples? ACORN. ALEC. And that’s just the letter a.

But the Think Tanks also did something else. Soon, moderates and on the fence politicians found pamphlets on specific bills on their ride to the Capital. These think tank products started off rough and amateurish, but soon took on a gloss and more professional look. In many cases, these documents and briefings provided your normal congresscritter or senatwhore THE ONLY BRIEFING THEY EVER SAW ON THE ISSUE OR A PARTICULAR BILL!  Given the short attention span that apparently thrives in Washington, the Think Tanks timed their pamphlet dropping on the day before and the day of a particular vote.

The impact was not immediate, but over time, the Think Tanks became the welcome source of information, if only because such information was totally lacking from other sources, even opposing party leadership. If there was anything that changed how Congress viewed new legislation, it was the Think Tank. All too often, all this hard work and preparation left the Think Tank version of reality the only one providing input into a legislative move.

b. local elections.
How the Democrats effed this up was and remains unforgivable.

Some decades ago, the GOP actually spent money starting up training centers. They taught folks how to answer questions (and ignore them) from the media, how to deal with adversity, and how to attack their liberal opponents without shame or remorse. They gathered thousands and thousands of young, bright, shiny faeces, had them run for local office, get their political feet wet, and even provided funding and attacks on their opponents. Thousands of offices were then filled, filled by ultraconservatives often masking their true selves and ideals.

By sweeping so many local offices, they accomplished several feats. They got experience, priceless experience, even if they lost at first. They took control of local agendas, driving home the ideas of socialism being bad, taxes being worse, and insisting that ours was a christian, conservative nation. Many of today’s GOP congresscritters came up the ranks in this way, trained, aggressive, and unwilling to compromise. If took years, but the planting, fertilizing and reaping of ultra-conservative pols was incredibly successful. Just look at the House today. They marched in lockstep with the White House during Bush, and continue to do so now.

And the Democrats slept. The bastards.

c. Rehabbing Ronald Reagan

When Saint Ronald left office, he left the country in deep trouble. It was ideologically split, some small parts of the GOP were ever more aggressive, and the Democrats seemed to be in disarray. On top of this, Ronald Reagan left office with his reputation in tatters. His approval rate sucked, people were glad to see him gone, and slowly, but surely people began repairing what he had broken.

And then something amazing happened. Ronald was crowned as the savior of the nation. Groups began demanding the naming of airports, federal buildings, and more after him. His name was bandied about as the savior of the nation, the Great Communicator, the man who personally tore down the Berlin Wall. And it was all false. If anything, Reagan was mediocre, at best, and his many failings inflicted endless pain, even death, unnecessarily (think AIDS).

I was shocked at how recent history was being rewritten, but there it was. They kept at it for so long, that the lie behind it was never discussed, and later, never exposed. Yet, because no one bothered to speak truth to those pushing this meme, the meme took on a life of its own. Saint Ronald is now a political fact, not fiction, although the latter is far more accurate.

d. attacking the media

Yet again, the Democrats fucked this up. Most of the Media was never “liberal” or “Conservative” or really connected with any political movement or party (except some specific liberal or conservative rags, like National Review or New Republic). The media surely had tendencies, conservative more often than not,  but also more often than not, they tried to report news. The media of the 60s refused to report on Kennedy’s dalliances. The media of the 90s could not resist spewing about blow jobs.

The corrosive impact of the attack, “Liberal Media” continues to echo today. Given the utter monopoly over talk radio by Reich Wing Whack Jobs, it would be ironic, but sadly, there is no room for irony these days.

This constant attack had two direct and damaging results. It convinced the public that this lie was in fact, fact. (no one in the media had the balls to stand up to this devious attack). Next, and probably more harmful, they convinced the Media itself that saying anything that might be construed as liberal would be attacked, so predictably, the media took great pains and began to avoid doing so. This attack turned a generally non-partisan media into a conservative mouthpiece, simply to avoid the attack of being partisan.  Sheer brilliance!

e. claiming ours was a conservative country

Another brilliant move. When you hear that constant drumbeat, that ours was a conservative country, based on christian values, (Newt, Kain, Perry, and Bachmann used this meme repeatedly during this election) you start to believe it. Especially when no one contradicts you about it.

When you poll Americans on specific issues, the only logical  conclusion is that we are a mix of liberal, moderate and conservative ideas. In fact, the general population is far more liberal than any of the 2012 GOP presidential platforms, alarmingly so. Alarmingly, only because there were no rational alternatives offered by the candidates. There were no moderate ideas (loved by the general public) and certainly no liberal ideas (supported by the vast majority of people).

Democrats have a lot to answer for on this. But it takes time, patience, dedication, and education of a nation. So long as the DINOs were in office, it was virtually impossible to take the steps necessary to correct this lie. Perhaps now will be different.

f. schooling, books, charters, and worse.

Yes, Darwin lost the first trial. Scopes was found GUILTY, not innocent. And it took that state 40 years to repeal the offending statute. But the Conspiracy never stopped working. Their successes in Ohio, Texas, Florida, Oklahoma, and other states only took place because of years of preparation, years of hard work, and never admitting defeat.  Evolution is a lie, stem cells are a mortal sin, birth control is the devil’s work, and abortions bring satan ever closer to taking this dog-fearing, dyslexic, nation over.

Today, our schoolbooks are a mess because of Texas. (They virtually control content for the rest of the country). America’s history is being destroyed as we speak.

Charter Schools? Privatized public options? These do nothing but destroy the public education system. Their quality is often worse than the schools they seek to replace. Worst of all, the cronyism and possibility of bribery and abuse makes this system a disaster that will haunt us for a generation. (think private prisons as an example. We used to fear the Military – Industrial complex. While it still poses a danger, the Jail-Industrial complex, and the Charter School-Industrial complex are just as dangerous.)

g. church – state separation

How many Democrats stood up to W’s attack on the separation of church and state? Who complained when Bush funneled billions to conservative christian groups, often cutting out effective, working, public systems? This was, is, and will be a disaster from which it will take a generation to recover.

If we fail to stand up to this, our nation will self-destruct. To counter this, join up here:  Freedom From Religion Foundation.  In fact, our Chicagoland chapter is finally set up, and it looks like I will be the local secretary. Proudly.

h. TeaBuggery

When your opponent scores a huge victory, all you can do is acknowledge it, congratulate them, and move on.

That is the case with TeaBuggery. Forget the moronic hats, forget the moranic signs, forget the misspelling, the old, fat, white, folks demanding that the Federal Government keep their hands of medicare. This was a huge victory for the Phil Grams, the KKKarl Roves, the Kochs, and other ultra-conservative bastards around this country.

This was a con job, the likes of which we have not seen in politics before. It was an artificial concoction, intended to confuse the public like a shiny lure in fish infested waters. And it worked. This small collection of hyper-conservative, anti-government, functionally illiterate, generally unread, misinformed, Fox News Viewers actually became a viable movement. Underwritten by billionaires, supported in secret, it gathered Republicans, only conservative ones, renamed them, and gave them temporary shelter and cover. Given the bashing that conservative Republicans were due (thanks in no small part to the Cheney Bush administration), the creation of TeaBuggery changed the focus, the story, and prevented the backlash against conservative GOPers.

Now, it is common knowledge that the TeaBuggered movement is little more than a relabeling of the worst of the PNAC Assholes, the failed NeoConMan movement, and generally little more than a a collection of wild-eyed, Todd Akin/Joe Walsh imbeciles whose favorite mantra is TAX CUTS!  But it took 2 long, dank, dark, dangerous years to make it common knowledge.

Just this week, there were three separate reports that TeaBuggered candidates were being laughed at in person. After repeating one of their idiotic, non-thinking positions, during town hall meetings and one debate, the crowd jeered in one case, and in two others, openly laughed and booed the TeaBuggered candidate.

Joe Walsh is rapidly retreating from his Macaca moment, in which he displayed his stunningly large scientific and medical ignorance about female reproductive systems.  (Tell me, please, why are these anti-government freaks so intent on forcing, even increasing federal government involvement into women’s vaginas?)  Todd Akin went from a shoo-in, to a shoe in the mouth candidate in one easy step. The only ones who still support him are Hucksterbee and other religious assholes.

I predict that Tea Buggery is here for some time, but that their power will be substantially and permanently curtailed as of this November.


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